I must admit, there have been days where I’ve felt like I was the bug hitting the windshield at an alarming rate… sometimes I’ve even smashed into it. There have been others, though, where I was the windshield, plowing through the obstacle that the Universe chose to toss at me. Or, in some cases, hurl at me with no hesitation what-so-ever.
I would be catching myself thinking to myself, “Nice job there, Universe, but you didn’t get me that time.”
Even though I’ve felt like the bug hitting the windshield in the past –after all was said and done– I still managed to look the Universe in the eyes and say, “Thanks for the fall! I went through crap, I felt like crap… and at a couple of points in my life, I felt like my life was crap… but here I am, ready to climb, and conquer.” Then I paused for a few moments and continued to say, “My life is not crap… it never was. There were some cards that I was dealt that were crap… but my life is not crap because of it. I think I handled those crappy cards pretty well. Sure –as a result– I’ve been through depression, I’ve been through anxiety (at the same time)… there’s also PTSD thrown in the mix, which of course I will be dealing, and coping, with for the rest of my life. So, Thanks for that.
“I have a good life, I have a great support system now, and nobody –not anything– can bring me down from that. I have healed from the pain that I’ve gone through, and I will continue to heal as I continue to live my life the way that I want to, the way that I need to… for me.
“Do I still have my bad days every once in a great while? Yes. Am I on medication for it? No… I’ve learned how to deal with it, and cope with it. Because of the cards that you have dealt me –the good and the bad– it helped shape me into who I am today. It also helped me figure out how to deal and cope with certain things. I figured out at a young age –probably without even realizing it– that writing is my niche… one of my coping mechanisms.
“I knew –after going through everything that I’ve gone through– that I wanted to help people. I wanted to help people in a different way… through my voice, and speaking about certain things. The only trouble was… crowds… and I felt like just speaking about certain topics wasn’t enough for me. I hope to help people through my writing.
“So, thank you, Universe, for dealing me all of the cards that you have dealt me… so far. I promise you –and myself– that I will not give up…”
I write because I love it… whenever I sit down and write, it feels… freeing. It’s not only my “escape,” but it also helps me deal and cope with things. I have found that, as I have continued to write over the years –no matter what kind of day I may be having– I continue to learn more about myself. Often times, I feel my characters and I need each other; they tell me things that I need to hear, and they need me to write their story. I know it sounds strange, but it’s true. I find it to be very self-therapeutic, and over half the time, I don’t even realize that there’s self-therapy going on while I write.
One of the many things that I’ve learned is: Do what you love to do… not because you feel like you have to, but because you truly enjoy it. ❤
~* ❤ Des ❤ *~